Bernie Madoff: Prepare for the O-MG Face

Well, I hope that massive ponzi scheme made for some nice vacations and photo-ops around the world as it looks like Bernie Madoff is heading to federal-pound-me-in-the-ass prison for 150 years.

Good for the justice system for actually getting something right but 150 years?

U.S. District Judge Denny Chin issued the maximum sentence to the 71-year-old defendant, who said he lives "in a tormented state now, knowing all the pain and suffering I've created."

Oh nevermind, that douche deserves it.

I've always found it odd when folks are convicted for multiple or egregious crimes that get several life sentences or a seemingly arbitrary number of years. Of course, no one (with the exception of Angel) can live out a 150 year prison term so why not just make it a life sentence?

And speaking of which what would happen if someone with a life sentence technically dies but is then resuscitated? Does medical science trump the judicial system? I think not but it would sure make an interesting appeal.

Yahoo: Bernard Madoff gets maximum 150 years in prison

Don't About Forget Mike Tyson

With all the recent happenings in the O.J. Simpson chronicles, it is easy to forget one of the other bad boys of the sports world: Mike Tyson.

Yes, the lobe-ravaging fiend of the beat-the-crap-out-of-you school of rock has plead guilty to the possession of cocaine and DUI stemming from an incident last December in Arizona. As Tyson was leaving a bar, he was pulled over after almost hitting a police car where it was discovered Tyson was more than just a bad driver.

Tyson could be looking at more than a slap on the wrist for this latest incident. Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas said:

"He has run out of second chances, at least in my book. I believe some period of incarceration is necessary to help this man break his self-described addiction to cocaine and to protect the public."

Well, we all know how well Tyson's last date behind bars for rape in 1992 helped rehabilitate him and correct his mental deficiencies. At the very least, Tyson should be able to hold his own in a prison riot, provided there aren't any Evander Holyfield fans in the crowd.

Don't Kill Dogs: Part 2

Sgt. Tom Lovejoy, a police officer from Arizona, was charged with the death of a fellow police officer: that of 5-year-old police dog Bandit. Lovejoy allegedly left Bandit in an enclosed car for 12 hours on a hot Arizona day with high temperatures exceeding 100 degrees while he was running errands and canoodling with his wife.

"I am certain Sgt. Lovejoy has suffered greatly from leaving his police dog in a sweltering car," Sheriff Joe Arpaio said in a statement.

I'm pretty sure the dog suffered more. Perhaps, Michael Vick will have a buddy who understands inside the pokey.

Related: Don't Kill Dogs: Part 1

Don't Kill Dogs

Mr. Vick,

What a tumultuous few weeks it has been for you! I cannot begin to understand the amount of pressure you have been under while being in the eye of public scrutiny. It seems that everyone in the country has been piling on to belittle and berate you based on one particular instance of bad judgment. The media seems to be flaunting every trivial development, the pundits are out to decry dog fighting in general, and your fans are turning their backs on you and destroying merchandise bearing your name.

This comes along with an indefinite suspension from the NFL, the Falcons organization jumping on the Vick-bashing bandwagon, and sponsorships dropping left and right. At the moment, you are facing financial ruin, no livelihood, and the probability of jail time for what happened.

Mr. Vick, I believe you are good person at heart and only plead guilty to the agreement to avoid a drawn-out trial process which likely would not have come out in your favor. Yes, the events in question may have taken place on your property, with your financing, involving your entourage, and under your guidance, but that surely does not mean you were totally responsible for it. After all, isn't dog fighting a cultural anomaly that outsiders cannot understand? Which southern tradition is next: grits, fried bologna, NASCAR?

I would have to agree with Tom Joyner that the punishment does not fit the crime. What you did was wrong, Michael, but jail time and no football? Quite a smidge excessive and it appears the prosecutors are trying to vilify you. After all, hasn’t this ordeal been bothersome enough for you? As it is now, you are a pariah and no one wants anything to do with you due to all the legal wrangling. I suppose time will tell if is temporary exile (Kobe) or more permanent (OJ). Besides, it’s not like you killed … well never mind that.

Hang tight, Vick! We’ll be anxiously awaiting your return to the public eye (that is if you ever leave)

/sarcasm


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