English is Dead

Ah, my old friend. You have treated us well. You have given us the means to communicate effectively with a worldwide standard that few other languages can match. Yes, you may be awkwardly shoe-horned into television series and films that really have no business featuring you, but alas, you have stayed strong, knowing that you will prevail in the long run.

I am troubled to tell you, the English language, you have been jettisoned for a series of grunts and noises that merely sound similar to your sweeping vernacular. Gone are the days of enuciation and grammar, replaced with words and phrases that, while attrocious to your legacy, have been taken with an attitude of "Horseshoes and Hand-grenades" to let these insults to your memory by with nary a mention.

You will always remain my close friend, even in your absense. While your words have been effectively ripped from the loins of the human vocabulary, know that I will always keep you in my heart. It pleases me to bring up your deepest and most forgotten constituents to showcase confusion in those who did not believe in you. I thought that with many centuries under your belt, you would outlast us all, showering our loved ones with graciousness and tact. Sadly, all I have to offer you in your parting is the promise of vengence.

I will not sit idly by and watch while your memory is defecated on by those who abandoned you because you were foreign to their tongue. Every day, I will avenge your honor in the form of loquaciousness to the fools who neglected you for their own mediocre replacements. As they cast you aside for their own ignorance, I will cast them aside for their asininity. There will be a great conflict, but I am certain that you will prevail yet again. You will rise to the throne and show the infidels that you are to be feared, lest they be left behind in a dour world of pain and mockery.

There shall be no doubt: ENGLISH SHALL RISE AGAIN!!