Quick Hits: Don't Demand

Don't go to someone, whether it be a salesman for your TV, a customer service rep for your bank, or an appliance repair guy and demand: "You're going to fix this now!!!1!!11One"

Not only will you get a redirect to someone who is likely more willing (or paid better) to listen to your shit and still tell you "No, Ain't Happenin'", you will get mocked behind your back after your encounter is finished.

Some people like to choose the douche-of-the-week approach, but the old saying applies: You attract more flies with honey than berating them and making the bees want to collectively punch you in the groin.

And I love that picture. I may have to use it more often.

Bluetootheses: You're Doing It Wrong!

Bluetooth technology is great!

Did you know that you can make your computer Bluetooth enabled so that pictures and videos on your cellular telephone can be transferred with ease?

Did you also know that you can connect your computer to your phone via Bluetooth and access internet on your computer through the phone or that you can pipe music from your phone to your car sterio?

Did you also know that wearing a Bluetooth headset makes you look like a prick who is either

a) pompous
b) arrogant
c) merely trying to look cool
OR
d) all of the above?

It was bad enough when the wired headset first gained popularity. While shopping for a new suit in the mall or getting tires replaced, you were accosted by people seemingly having schizophrenic conversations with themselves, only to discover you missed the litte dangling wire and they were talking on their phone.

Now, the same problems still apply but you have folks walking around with a g-d headset on at all times. I can understand the ease of not having to strain your muscles and hold the phone up to your head when you are driving, changing a diaper, or playing video games and some people may use their phones enough to warrant having one permanently implanted into their inner ear canal (how would you charge that?).

But if you are just walking around looking like you have a growth on your ear and not even using it, you need to rethink things. At least the Jason Bourne wired headset wasn't as tacky looking.

Huzzah!

My handsome digital face and snarky (at least I hope it comes across as such) comments are back from oblivion.

Call it laziness, ineptitude, life, or some combination of the three, but it has certainly been a while since my last posting.

With the world going to hell in a hand basket, full on and semi-celebrities dropping like flies, and my awesome new job, I shall not fail all my faithful readers ... who haven't yet discovered my awesome-ness.

So, feel free to peruse the archives even if they are no longer topical and you may find something that doesn't drive you to punch a panda in the face.

That is all, thank you!

Bernie Madoff: Prepare for the O-MG Face

Well, I hope that massive ponzi scheme made for some nice vacations and photo-ops around the world as it looks like Bernie Madoff is heading to federal-pound-me-in-the-ass prison for 150 years.

Good for the justice system for actually getting something right but 150 years?

U.S. District Judge Denny Chin issued the maximum sentence to the 71-year-old defendant, who said he lives "in a tormented state now, knowing all the pain and suffering I've created."

Oh nevermind, that douche deserves it.

I've always found it odd when folks are convicted for multiple or egregious crimes that get several life sentences or a seemingly arbitrary number of years. Of course, no one (with the exception of Angel) can live out a 150 year prison term so why not just make it a life sentence?

And speaking of which what would happen if someone with a life sentence technically dies but is then resuscitated? Does medical science trump the judicial system? I think not but it would sure make an interesting appeal.

Yahoo: Bernard Madoff gets maximum 150 years in prison

Horror Movie Based Ingenuity

Kenny Caperton is on a mission.

Having purchased a plot of land in North Carolina, Kenny is striving to build a faithful recreation of the Myers' House from the original of the Halloween series. Even as some of the following films managed to screw up finding a house that at least bears a passing resemblance to the original (I'm looking at you Halloween 5), Kenny is knee-deep in the construction process with a mostly accurate reproduction of the original with some modern amenities added on.

I applaud you Kenny and hope you get some cool neighbors who can appreciate the history that comes with the area. Here's to hoping that some other horror fans can be represented (same neighborhood would be great) with reproductions of the Thompson's house, perhaps a summer camp nearby a large body of water, and a motel for all the geeky fans like myself to stay at.

Work on this people!

Myers House, NC

Sarah Palin Drinking Game

Here's an idea to combine two American institutions, drinking and politics: the Sarah Palin drinking game.

Similar to other drinking games (my favorite being the 24/Dammit! game), take a shot or drink whenever Sarah Palin says any of the following:

• Alaska
• Job Creation
• Maverick

You should be pretty toasty in no time!

For the record, I like Sarah Palin but thought these items came up with astounding frequency in the debate last week.

Stars of the Week: 10/5

Here is a celebration of various stories deemed worthy enough to have a star in my Google Reader.

Wired: Top 10 Wired Reader Macro Photos...
Some are awesome, some are frightening. Like The Mist frightening.

io9: Would You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse
Zombie simulation without the threat of death and dismemberment. Fantastic.

Cinematical: Yep, Romero's Heading Back to Zombietown
More zombies! Here's to hoping this one is better than the disappointing Diary of the Dead.

Youth of ... Australia?

In sharp contrast to the creepy kid who declared his fondness of the shelled reptiles, a young boy in Sydney, Australia showed the world just how doomed our future really is.

This child of only seven years whose name was not released (likely name: Damien or Mikey if evil child movies are to be believed), unleashed an unspeakable horror on the Alice Springs Reptile Center and left the remains of 13 animals in his wake.

The child then went on a killing spree, bashing three lizards to death with a rock, including the zoo's beloved, 20-year-old goanna, which he then fed to "Terry," an 11-foot, 440-pound saltwater crocodile, said Neindorf.

The boy also fed several live animals to Terry by throwing them over the two fences surrounding the crocodile's enclosure, at one point climbing over the outer fence to get closer to the giant reptile.

How does a 7-year-old go unattended long enough to do this? Where were the parents? How does he have the attention span to throw animals over two fences that he subsequently must climb to feed the alligator? Are we to assume he never played Zoo Tycoon?

If it was an older child, it would still be horrific but more plausible. I sincerely hope this kid is in some kind of A Clockwork Orange-ish social reconditioning for the sake of humanity. Let's hope he never gets a hamster.

AOL: Boy, 7, Breaks Into Zoo, Kills Animals